a letter to my nephew

Dear Kid,

As I write this, your mother has been in the hospital for ten hours. Ten hours, and nothing. What’s with you?

Look, I know it’s warm and cozy in there, and technically you’ve still got three weeks left on your lease. But your little nature provided airbag (amniotic sac) is gone now, and that’s kind of the point of no return. You don’t want to get an infection, do you? Of course you don’t. You’re a good boy, and I know you want to do the right thing. So come on out, already.

It’s not so bad out here, really. Sure it’s noisy, and bright, and you’ll have to wear clothes (and that’s a drag, really), but there’s a lot of good stuff too. Your mom is really anxious to meet you, and so is your dad. They’ve been waiting a long time for you. Someone who’s been waiting even longer is your Grandma - she’s crazy about you already, and I bet if you play your cards right, she’ll spoil you rotten.

I want to meet you too, of course, and I can teach you all kinds of neat stuff. How to play baseball, all about hockey (you WILL be a Red Wings fan, of course), and most useful of all, how to REALLY get on your mom’s nerves. I’ve been doing it for a long time, and I know all the tricks. Anytime you want to get one over on her, you just call Auntie Hannah and we’ll get it done.

If you come out you’ll get to meet King, too. He’s your doggie, and he’s very sweet. When you’re old enough he’ll snuggle up on your bed with you, even though Mom will tell him not to.

Best of all, Kid? Everybody – I mean EVERYBODY, from the nurses to the doctors to Mom & Dad, Grandma & Grandpa and all their friends – are going to be at your beck and call for the foreseeable future. They’ll do everything for you, day or night – you won’t have to lift a finger. Which let me tell you, is a pretty sweet deal.

So come on out, okay Kid? We’re ready to meet you.