confessions of an addict

I find myself a little at odds with myself this holiday season. You see, one of the things I do every year, one of my holiday traditions, if you will, is bake. Peanut brittle, hard candy, church windows, party mix, fudge (several flavors) wreath cookies, chewy chocolate ginger cookies...all these things I bake.

I started doing it back when I was in college, and just after college, when I was too broke to buy the gifts I wanted to for my friends. I'd give a tin of goodies instead, and it was always such a hit that even after I had the means to shop for gifts I kept doing it. (I like when people ooh and ahh over something I've made. I'm just narcissistic enough to get off on it.)

Anyway, last year I did my usual round of baking - which means every available second between my birthday, which is in mid-November, and Christmas was spent in the kitchen. But last year, for the first time, I found myself resenting the hell out of it.

The truth is, it stressed me out. Like, big time. The only thing I remember about last year's holiday season is that I spent most of it in the kitchen and I was seriously pissed off almost all the time. I also remember that my roommate and my boyfriend both said things like, "Are you sure you're okay?" and "Maybe you should take a break" a lot. As I recall, I did a lot of snarling at these questions.

So this year, I decided the baking would have to go the way of the dinosaurs. Oh, I'm not stopping entirely, of course. Like any addict, I have to have some kind of fix. So I'm limiting myself to two items. I will make the peanut brittle, because the recipe was handed down by my grandfather, and making it at Christmas is a family tradition. And I will make the chewy chocolate ginger cookies, because they make people moan in ecstasy. And making people moan in ecstasy, well, that's part of the addiction.

I'm feeling much calmer about the holidays this year, which is a good thing. But I've found about six new recipes on the internet that I want to try, and that can't be good.